Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
