I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
