haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
