So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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