I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
