oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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