I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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