So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
