he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
