He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
