After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im holly from the hills drunk
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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