I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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