Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Randomize
