I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
