OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
