Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
