I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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