$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
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That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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