she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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