gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
