So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
