My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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