I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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