I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
