He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize