Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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