Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
