____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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