i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
