Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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