Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
