Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
