Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
