He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
