i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize