I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
