i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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