My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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