I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
