Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
