When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
