Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
