You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We are all done wearing pants today
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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