Heybabeimwearingurpanties
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
