so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
