One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
