She went from zero to smokin in five shots
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
