Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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