life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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