First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
