it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
