Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
