these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
