My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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