I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
