I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize