Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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