Need sex. Gaining weight.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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