Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
