party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
